All About Kimberly

Sailing Along the Life of Single Parenthood

Sunday Smile #24 – May 10

Sunday Smile

Sunday Smile is a meme to share something about your week that brought a smile to your face (and will bring one to your readers). For me this is usually a forwarded message I got….the best one I received that week – the one that made me laugh out loud. So check out my Sunday Smile today and then go back to your blog and post something to make your reader’s smile – a forwarded like message, a story about something that happened to you, or even a photo of a funny moment….Then come back and sign Mr. Linky below so that we can all enjoy each other’s smiles as the week progresses and we get busy.

Here is what Jeff Foxworthy has to say about folks from Texas …

  • If someone in a Lowe’s store offers you assistance and they don’t work there, you may live in Texas ;
  • If you’ve worn shorts and a parka at the same time, you may live in Texas ;
  • If you’ve had a lengthy telephone conversation with someone who dialed a wrong number, you may live in Texas ;
  • If ‘Vacation’ means going anywhere south of Dallas for the weekend, you may live in Texas ;
  • If you measure distance in hours, you may live in Texas ;
  • If you know several people who have hit a deer more than once, you may live in Texas ;
  • If you install security lights on your house and garage, but leave both unlocked, you may live in Texas ;
  • If you carry jumper cables in your car and your wife knows how to use them, you may live in Texas ;
  • If the speed limit on the highway is 55 mph — you’re going 80 and everybody’s passing you, you may live in Texas ;
  • If you find 60 degrees ‘a little chilly,’ you may live in Texas ;
  • If you actually understand these jokes, and share them with all your Texas friends, you definitely live in Texas .

Need to be cheered up?

  • Happy, Texas 79042
  • Pep , Texas 79353
  • Smiley, Texas 78159
  • Paradise, Texas 76073
  • Rainbow, Texas 76077
  • Sweet Home, Texas 77987
  • Comfort, Texas 78013
  • Friendship, Texas 76530

Love the Sun?

  • Sun City, Texas 78628
  • Sunrise, Texas 76661
  • Sunset, Texas 76270
  • Sundown, Texas 79372
  • Sunray, Texas 79086
  • Sunny Side, Texas 77423

Want something to eat?

  • Bacon, Texas 76301
  • Noodle, Texas 79536
  • Oatmeal, Texas 78605
  • Turkey, Texas 79261
  • Trout, Texas 75789
  • Sugar Land, Texas 77479
  • Salty, Texas 76567
  • Rice, Texas 75155

And top it off with:

  • Sweetwater, Texas 79556

Why travel to other cities? Texas has them all!

  • Detroit, Texas 75436
  • Colorado City, Texas 79512
  • Denver City, Texas 79323
  • Klondike, Texas 75448
  • Nevada, Texas 75173
  • Memphis, Texas 79245
  • Miami, Texas 79059
  • Boston, Texas 75570
  • Santa Fe, Texas 77517
  • Tennessee Colony, Texas 75861
  • Reno, Texas 75462

Feel like traveling outside the country? Don’t bother buying a plane ticket!

  • Athens, Texas 75751
  • Canadian, Texas 79014
  • China, Texas 77613
  • Egypt, Texas 77436
  • Ireland, Texas 76538
  • Turkey, Texas 79261
  • London, Texas 76854
  • New London, Texas 75682
  • Paris, Texas 75460

No need to travel to Washington D.C.

  • Whitehouse, Texas 75791

We even have a city named after our planet!

  • Earth, Texas 79031

And a city named after our State!

  • Texas City, Texas 77590

Exhausted?

  • Energy, Texas 76452

Cold?

  • Blanket, Texas 76432
  • Winters, Texas

Like to read about History?

  • Santa Anna, Texas
  • Goliad, Texas
  • Alamo, Texas
  • Gun Barrel City, Texas
  • Robert Lee, Texas

Need Office Supplies?

  • Staples, Texas 78670

Men are from Mars, women are from

  • Venus, Texas 76084

You guessed it..it’s on the state line..

  • Texline, Texas 79087

For the kids…

  • Kermit, Texas 79745
  • Elmo, Texas 75118
  • Nemo, Texas 76070
  • Tarzan, Texas 79783
  • Winnie, Texas 77665
  • Sylvester, Texas 79560

Other city names in Texas , to make you smile…..

  • Frognot, Texas 75424
  • Bigfoot, Texas 78005
  • Hogeye, Texas 75423
  • Cactus, Texas 79013
  • Notrees, Texas 79759
  • Best, Texas 76932
  • Veribest, Texas 76886
  • Kickapoo, Texas 75763
  • Dime Box, Texas 77853
  • Old Dime Box, Texas 77853
  • Telephone, Texas 75488
  • Telegraph, Texas 76883
  • Twitty, Texas 79079

And last but not least, the Anti-Al Gore City

  • Kilgore, Texas 75662

And our favorites…

  • Cut n Shoot, Texas
  • Gun Barrell City, Texas 75156
  • Hoop And Holler, Texas
  • Ding Dong, Texas

and, of course,

  • Muleshoe, Texas

Here are some little known, very interesting facts about Texas .

  1. Beaumont to El Paso : 742 miles
  2. Beaumont to Chicago : 770 miles
  3. El Paso is closer to California than to Dallas
  4. World’s first rodeo was in Pecos , July 4, 1883.
  5. The Flagship Hotel in Galveston is the only hotel in North America built over water.
  6. The Heisman Trophy was named after John William Heisman who was the first full-time coach at Rice University in Houston .
  7. Brazoria County has more species of birds than any other area in North America .
  8. Aransas Wildlife Refuge is the winter home of North America ‘s only remaining flock of whooping cranes.
  9. Jalapeno jelly originated in Lake Jackson in 1978.
  10. The worst natural disaster in U.S . history was in 1900, caused by a hurricane, in which over 8,000 lives were lost on Galveston Island .
  11. The first word spoken from the moon, July 20, 1969, was ‘Houston .’
  12. King Ranch in South Texas is larger than Rhode Island .
  13. Tropical Storm Claudette brought a U.S. rainfall record of 43′ in 24 hours in and around Alvin in July of 1979.
  14. Texas is the only state to enter the U.S. by TREATY, (known as the Constitution of 1845 by the Republic of Texas to enter the Union) instead of by annexation. This allows the Texas Flag to fly at the same height as the U.S. Flag, and may divide into 5 states.
  15. A Live Oak (known as Big Tree) near Fulton is estimated to be over 1000 years old.
  16. Caddo Lake is the only natural lake in the state.
  17. Dr Pepper was invented in Waco in 1885. There is no period in Dr Pepper.
  18. Texas has had six capital cities: Washington-on-the Brazos, Harrisburg , Galveston , Velasco, West Columbia and Austin .
  19. The Capitol Dome in Austin is the only dome in the U.S. which is taller than the Capitol Building in Washington DC (by 7 feet).
  20. The name ‘ Texas ‘ comes from the Hasini Indian word ‘tejas’ meaning friends. Tejas is not Spanish for Texas .
  21. The State Mascot is the Armadillo (an interesting bit of trivia about the armadillo is they always have four babies. They have one egg, which splits into four, and they either have four males or four females).
  22. The first domed stadium in the U.S. was the Astrodome in Houston .

Cowboy’s Ten Commandments posted on the wall at Cross Trails Church in Fairlie , Texas :

  1. Just one God.
  2. Honor yer Ma & Pa.
  3. No telling tales or gossipin’.
  4. Git yourself to Sunday meeting.
  5. Put nothin’ before God.
  6. No foolin’ around with another fellow’s gal…
  7. No killin’.
  8. Watch yer mouth.
  9. Don’t take what ain’t yers.
  10. Don’t be hankerin’ for yer buddy’s stuff

Sunday Smile #23 – May 3

Sunday Smile

Sunday Smile is a meme to share something about your week that brought a smile to your face (and will bring one to your readers). For me this is usually a forwarded message I got….the best one I received that week – the one that made me laugh out loud. So check out my Sunday Smile today and then go back to your blog and post something to make your reader’s smile – a forwarded like message, a story about something that happened to you, or even a photo of a funny moment….Then come back and sign Mr. Linky below so that we can all enjoy each other’s smiles as the week progresses and we get busy.

How The Fights Got Started

When I got home last night, my wife demanded that I take her someplace expensive….So, I took her to a gas station….. And then the fight started….

*********
My wife and I are watching Who Wants To Be A Millionaire while we were in bed. I turned to her and said, “Do you want to have sex?”

“No,” she answered.

I then said, “Is that your final answer?”

She didn’t even look at me this time, simply saying “Yes.” So I said, “Then I’d like to phone a friend.”

And then the fight started….

*********

After retiring, I went to the Social Security office to apply for Social Security. The woman behind the counter asked me for my driver’s license to verify my age. I looked in my pockets and realized I had left my wallet at home. I told the woman that I was very sorry, but I would have to go home and come back later.

The woman said, ’Unbutton your shirt’.

So I opened my shirt revealing my curly silver hair. She said, ‘That silver hair on your chest is proof enough for me, and she processed my Social Security application. When I got home, I excitedly told my wife about my experience at the Social Security office.

She said, ‘You should have dropped your pants. You might have gotten Disability, too.’

And then the fight started…..

*********
Saturday morning I got up early, quietly dressed, made my lunch, grabbed the dog, and slipped quietly into the garage. I hooked up the boat up to the truck, and proceeded to back out into a torrential downpour. The wind was blowing 50 mph, so I pulled back into the garage, turned on the radio, and discovered that the weather would be bad all day. I went back into the house, quietly undressed, and slipped back into bed. I cuddled up to my wife’s back, now with a different anticipation, and whispered, ’The weather out there is terrible’..

My loving wife of 10 years replied, ‘Can you believe my stupid husband is out fishing in that?’

And that’s how the fight started …

*********
My wife and I were sitting at a table at my high school reunion, and I kept staring at a drunken lady swigging her drink as she sat alone at a nearby table.

My wife asked, ‘Do you know her?’

‘Yes,’ I sighed, ‘she’s my old girlfriend. I understand she took to drinking right after we split up those many years ago, and I hear she hasn’t been sober since.’

‘My God!’ says my wife, ‘Who would think a person could go on celebrating that long?’

And then the fight started…..

*******
I rear-ended a car this morning. So, there we were alongside the road and slowly the other driver got out of his car You know how sometimes you just get soooo stressed and little things just seem funny? Yeah, well I couldn’t believe it….

He was a DWARF!!! He stormed over to my car, looked up at me, and shouted, ‘I AM NOT HAPPY!!!’

So, I looked down at him and said, ‘Well, then which one are you?’

And then the fight started…..
******
I took my wife to a restaurant.. The waiter, for some reason, took my order first

“I’ll have the strip steak, medium rare, please.’

He said, ‘Aren’t you worried about the mad cow?’

‘Nah, she can order for herself’

And then the fight started…..
*********
A woman is standing nude, looking in the bedroom mirror. She is not happy with what she sees and says to her husband, ‘I feel horrible; I look old, fat and ugly. I really need you to pay me a compliment.’

The husband replies, ’Your eyesight’s darn near perfect.’

And then the fight started…..

Sunday Smile #22 – April 26

 Sunday Smile

Sunday Smile is a meme to share something about your week that brought a smile to your face (and will bring one to your readers). For me this is usually a forwarded message I got….the best one I received that week – the one that made me laugh out loud. So check out my Sunday Smile today and then go back to your blog and post something to make your reader’s smile – a forwarded like message, a story about something that happened to you, or even a photo of a funny moment….Then come back and sign Mr. Linky below so that we can all enjoy each other’s smiles as the week progresses and we get busy.

Praise The Lord

There was a little old lady, who every morning stepped onto her front porch, raised her arms to the sky, and shouted: ‘PRAISE THE LORD!’

One day an atheist moved into the house next door. He became irritated at the little old lady. Every morning he’d step onto his front porch after her and yell: ‘THERE IS NO LORD!’

Time passed with the two of them carrying on this way every day.

One morning, in the middle of winter, the little old lady stepped onto her front porch and shouted: ‘PRAISE THE LORD! Please Lord, I have no food and I am starving, provide for me, oh Lord!

The next morning she stepped out onto her porch and there were two huge bags of groceries sitting there..

‘PRAISE THE LORD!’ she cried out. ‘HE HAS PROVIDED GROCERIES FOR ME!’

The atheist neighbor jumped out of the hedges and shouted: ‘THERE IS NO LORD; I BOUGHT THOSE GROCERIES!!’

The little old lady threw her arms into the air and shouted: ‘PRAISE THE LORD! HE HAS PROVIDED ME WITH GROCERIES AND MADE THE DEVIL PAY FOR THEM!’

Sunday Smile #21 – April 19

Sunday Smile

Sunday Smile is a meme to share something about your week that brought a smile to your face (and will bring one to your readers). For me this is usually a forwarded message I got….the best one I received that week – the one that made me laugh out loud. So check out my Sunday Smile today and then go back to your blog and post something to make your reader’s smile – a forwarded like message, a story about something that happened to you, or even a photo of a funny moment….Then come back and sign Mr. Linky below so that we can all enjoy each other’s smiles as the week progresses and we get busy.

The Bus Stop

Husband and wife are waiting at the bus stop with their nine children. A blind man joins them after a few minutes. When the bus arrives, they find it overloaded and only the wife and the nine kids are able to fit onto the bus. So the husband and the blind man decide to walk. After a while, the husband gets irritated by the ticking of the stick of the blind man as he taps it on the sidewalk, and says to him, ”Why don’t you put a piece of rubber at the end of your stick? That ticking sound is driving me crazy.” The blind man replies, “If you had put a rubber at the end of YOUR stick, we’d be riding the bus, so shut the hell up.”

Sunday Smile #21 – April 12

I missed last week.  I can’t believe my scheduled posts finally ran out, but I’m back this week with a really fun Sunday Smile.  Hope you like it.

Sunday Smile

Sunday Smile is a meme to share something about your week that brought a smile to your face (and will bring one to your readers). For me this is usually a forwarded message I got….the best one I received that week – the one that made me laugh out loud. So check out my Sunday Smile today and then go back to your blog and post something to make your reader’s smile – a forwarded like message, a story about something that happened to you, or even a photo of a funny moment….Then come back and sign Mr. Linky below so that we can all enjoy each other’s smiles as the week progresses and we get busy.

LETTER FROM A FARM KID

Dear Ma and Pa,

I am well. Hope you are. Tell Brother Walt and Brother Elmer the Marine Corps beats working for old man Larson by a mile. Tell them to join up quick before all of the places are filled.

I was restless at first because you got to stay in bed till nearly 6 a.m. but I am getting so I like to sleep late. Tell Walt and Elmer all you do before breakfast is smooth your cot, and shine some things. No hogs to slop, feed to pitch, mash to mix, wood to split, fire to lay. Practically nothing.

Men got to shave but it is not so bad, there’s warm water. Breakfast is strong on trimmings like fruit juice, cereal, eggs, bacon, etc., but kind of weak on chops, potatoes, ham, steak, fried eggplant, pie and other regular food, but tell Walt and Elmer you can always sit by the two city boys that live on coffee. Their food, plus yours, holds you until noon when you get fed again. It’s no wonder these city boys can’t walk much.

We go on ‘route marches,’ which the platoon sergeant says are long walks to harden us. If he thinks so, it’s not my place to tell him different. A ‘route march’ is about as far as to our mailbox at home. Then the city guys get sore feet and we all ride back in trucks. The country is nice but awful flat.

The sergeant is like a school teacher He nags a lot. The captain is like the school board. Majors and colonels just ride around and frown. They don’t bother you none.

This next will kill Walt and Elmer with laughing.. I keep getting medals for shooting. I don’t know why. The bulls-eye is near as big as a chipmunk head and don’t move, and it ain’t shooting at you like the Higgett boys at home. All you got to do is lie there all comfortable and hit it. You don’t even load your own cartridges. They come in boxes.

Then we have what they call hand-to-hand combat training. You get to wrestle with them city boys. I have to be real careful though, they break real easy. It ain’t like fighting with that ole bull at home. I’m about the best they got in this except for that Tug Jordan from over in Devils Lake . I only beat him once. He joined up the same time as me, but I’m only 5’6′ and 130 pounds and he’s 6’8′ and near 300 pounds dry.

Be sure to tell Walt and Elmer to hurry and join before other fellers get onto this setup and come stampeding in.

Your loving daughter,
Darlene