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Sailing Along the Life of Single Parenthood

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Sunday Smile #24 – May 10

Sunday Smile

Sunday Smile is a meme to share something about your week that brought a smile to your face (and will bring one to your readers). For me this is usually a forwarded message I got….the best one I received that week – the one that made me laugh out loud. So check out my Sunday Smile today and then go back to your blog and post something to make your reader’s smile – a forwarded like message, a story about something that happened to you, or even a photo of a funny moment….Then come back and sign Mr. Linky below so that we can all enjoy each other’s smiles as the week progresses and we get busy.

Here is what Jeff Foxworthy has to say about folks from Texas …

  • If someone in a Lowe’s store offers you assistance and they don’t work there, you may live in Texas ;
  • If you’ve worn shorts and a parka at the same time, you may live in Texas ;
  • If you’ve had a lengthy telephone conversation with someone who dialed a wrong number, you may live in Texas ;
  • If ‘Vacation’ means going anywhere south of Dallas for the weekend, you may live in Texas ;
  • If you measure distance in hours, you may live in Texas ;
  • If you know several people who have hit a deer more than once, you may live in Texas ;
  • If you install security lights on your house and garage, but leave both unlocked, you may live in Texas ;
  • If you carry jumper cables in your car and your wife knows how to use them, you may live in Texas ;
  • If the speed limit on the highway is 55 mph — you’re going 80 and everybody’s passing you, you may live in Texas ;
  • If you find 60 degrees ‘a little chilly,’ you may live in Texas ;
  • If you actually understand these jokes, and share them with all your Texas friends, you definitely live in Texas .

Need to be cheered up?

  • Happy, Texas 79042
  • Pep , Texas 79353
  • Smiley, Texas 78159
  • Paradise, Texas 76073
  • Rainbow, Texas 76077
  • Sweet Home, Texas 77987
  • Comfort, Texas 78013
  • Friendship, Texas 76530

Love the Sun?

  • Sun City, Texas 78628
  • Sunrise, Texas 76661
  • Sunset, Texas 76270
  • Sundown, Texas 79372
  • Sunray, Texas 79086
  • Sunny Side, Texas 77423

Want something to eat?

  • Bacon, Texas 76301
  • Noodle, Texas 79536
  • Oatmeal, Texas 78605
  • Turkey, Texas 79261
  • Trout, Texas 75789
  • Sugar Land, Texas 77479
  • Salty, Texas 76567
  • Rice, Texas 75155

And top it off with:

  • Sweetwater, Texas 79556

Why travel to other cities? Texas has them all!

  • Detroit, Texas 75436
  • Colorado City, Texas 79512
  • Denver City, Texas 79323
  • Klondike, Texas 75448
  • Nevada, Texas 75173
  • Memphis, Texas 79245
  • Miami, Texas 79059
  • Boston, Texas 75570
  • Santa Fe, Texas 77517
  • Tennessee Colony, Texas 75861
  • Reno, Texas 75462

Feel like traveling outside the country? Don’t bother buying a plane ticket!

  • Athens, Texas 75751
  • Canadian, Texas 79014
  • China, Texas 77613
  • Egypt, Texas 77436
  • Ireland, Texas 76538
  • Turkey, Texas 79261
  • London, Texas 76854
  • New London, Texas 75682
  • Paris, Texas 75460

No need to travel to Washington D.C.

  • Whitehouse, Texas 75791

We even have a city named after our planet!

  • Earth, Texas 79031

And a city named after our State!

  • Texas City, Texas 77590

Exhausted?

  • Energy, Texas 76452

Cold?

  • Blanket, Texas 76432
  • Winters, Texas

Like to read about History?

  • Santa Anna, Texas
  • Goliad, Texas
  • Alamo, Texas
  • Gun Barrel City, Texas
  • Robert Lee, Texas

Need Office Supplies?

  • Staples, Texas 78670

Men are from Mars, women are from

  • Venus, Texas 76084

You guessed it..it’s on the state line..

  • Texline, Texas 79087

For the kids…

  • Kermit, Texas 79745
  • Elmo, Texas 75118
  • Nemo, Texas 76070
  • Tarzan, Texas 79783
  • Winnie, Texas 77665
  • Sylvester, Texas 79560

Other city names in Texas , to make you smile…..

  • Frognot, Texas 75424
  • Bigfoot, Texas 78005
  • Hogeye, Texas 75423
  • Cactus, Texas 79013
  • Notrees, Texas 79759
  • Best, Texas 76932
  • Veribest, Texas 76886
  • Kickapoo, Texas 75763
  • Dime Box, Texas 77853
  • Old Dime Box, Texas 77853
  • Telephone, Texas 75488
  • Telegraph, Texas 76883
  • Twitty, Texas 79079

And last but not least, the Anti-Al Gore City

  • Kilgore, Texas 75662

And our favorites…

  • Cut n Shoot, Texas
  • Gun Barrell City, Texas 75156
  • Hoop And Holler, Texas
  • Ding Dong, Texas

and, of course,

  • Muleshoe, Texas

Here are some little known, very interesting facts about Texas .

  1. Beaumont to El Paso : 742 miles
  2. Beaumont to Chicago : 770 miles
  3. El Paso is closer to California than to Dallas
  4. World’s first rodeo was in Pecos , July 4, 1883.
  5. The Flagship Hotel in Galveston is the only hotel in North America built over water.
  6. The Heisman Trophy was named after John William Heisman who was the first full-time coach at Rice University in Houston .
  7. Brazoria County has more species of birds than any other area in North America .
  8. Aransas Wildlife Refuge is the winter home of North America ‘s only remaining flock of whooping cranes.
  9. Jalapeno jelly originated in Lake Jackson in 1978.
  10. The worst natural disaster in U.S . history was in 1900, caused by a hurricane, in which over 8,000 lives were lost on Galveston Island .
  11. The first word spoken from the moon, July 20, 1969, was ‘Houston .’
  12. King Ranch in South Texas is larger than Rhode Island .
  13. Tropical Storm Claudette brought a U.S. rainfall record of 43′ in 24 hours in and around Alvin in July of 1979.
  14. Texas is the only state to enter the U.S. by TREATY, (known as the Constitution of 1845 by the Republic of Texas to enter the Union) instead of by annexation. This allows the Texas Flag to fly at the same height as the U.S. Flag, and may divide into 5 states.
  15. A Live Oak (known as Big Tree) near Fulton is estimated to be over 1000 years old.
  16. Caddo Lake is the only natural lake in the state.
  17. Dr Pepper was invented in Waco in 1885. There is no period in Dr Pepper.
  18. Texas has had six capital cities: Washington-on-the Brazos, Harrisburg , Galveston , Velasco, West Columbia and Austin .
  19. The Capitol Dome in Austin is the only dome in the U.S. which is taller than the Capitol Building in Washington DC (by 7 feet).
  20. The name ‘ Texas ‘ comes from the Hasini Indian word ‘tejas’ meaning friends. Tejas is not Spanish for Texas .
  21. The State Mascot is the Armadillo (an interesting bit of trivia about the armadillo is they always have four babies. They have one egg, which splits into four, and they either have four males or four females).
  22. The first domed stadium in the U.S. was the Astrodome in Houston .

Cowboy’s Ten Commandments posted on the wall at Cross Trails Church in Fairlie , Texas :

  1. Just one God.
  2. Honor yer Ma & Pa.
  3. No telling tales or gossipin’.
  4. Git yourself to Sunday meeting.
  5. Put nothin’ before God.
  6. No foolin’ around with another fellow’s gal…
  7. No killin’.
  8. Watch yer mouth.
  9. Don’t take what ain’t yers.
  10. Don’t be hankerin’ for yer buddy’s stuff

Sunday Smile #20

Sunday Smile

Sunday Smile is a meme to share something about your week that brought a smile to your face (and will bring one to your readers). For me this is usually a forwarded message I got….the best one I received that week – the one that made me laugh out loud. So check out my Sunday Smile today and then go back to your blog and post something to make your reader’s smile – a forwarded like message, a story about something that happened to you, or even a photo of a funny moment….Then come back and sign Mr. Linky below so that we can all enjoy each other’s smiles as the week progresses and we get busy.

Kitchen Wisdom
Maxine Vs. Martha

maxine

Martha:  Stuff a miniature marshmallow in the bottom of an ice cream cone to prevent ice cream drips.
Maxine:  Just suck the ice cream out of the bottom of the cone, for Pete’s sake!  You are probably lying on the couch with your feet up eating it anyway!

Martha: To keep potatoes from budding, place an apple in the bag with the potatoes.
Maxine: Buy Hungry Jack mashed potato mix. Keeps in the pantry for up to a year.

Martha: When a cake recipe calls for flouring the baking pan, use a bit of the dry cake mix instead and there won’t be any white mess on the outside of the cake.
Maxine: Go to the bakery! Heck, they’ll even decorate it for you!

Martha: If you accidentally over-salt a dish while it’s still cooking, drop in a peeled potato and it will absorb the excess salt for an instant ‘fix-me-up.’
Maxine: If you over-salt a dish while you are cooking, that’s too bad. Please recite with me the real woman’s motto: ‘I made it, you will eat it and I don’t care how bad it tastes!’

Martha: Wrap celery in aluminum foil when putting in the refrigerator and it will keep for weeks.
Maxine: Celery? Never heard of it!

maxine2

Martha: Brush some beaten egg white over pie crust before baking to yield a beautiful glossy finish.
Maxine: The Mrs. Smith frozen pie directions do not include brushing egg whites over the crust, so I don’t.

Martha: Cure for headaches: take a lime, cut it in half and rub it on your forehead. The throbbing will go away.
Maxine: Take a lime, mix it with tequila, chill and drink! All your pains go away!

Martha: If you have a problem opening jars, try using latex dish washing gloves.They give a non-slip grip that makes opening jars easy.
Maxine: Go ask that very cute neighbor if he can open it for you..

Martha: Don’t throw out all that leftover wine. Freeze into ice cubes for future use in casseroles and sauces.
Maxine: Leftover wine??????????? HELLO!!!!!!!

Sunday Smile #19

Sunday Smile

Sunday Smile is a meme to share something about your week that brought a smile to your face (and will bring one to your readers). For me this is usually a forwarded message I got….the best one I received that week – the one that made me laugh out loud. So check out my Sunday Smile today and then go back to your blog and post something to make your reader’s smile – a forwarded like message, a story about something that happened to you, or even a photo of a funny moment….Then come back and sign Mr. Linky below so that we can all enjoy each other’s smiles as the week progresses and we get busy.

Those Mississippi Girls

Three men were sitting together bragging about how they had given their new wives duties. The first man had married a Woman from Iowa and had told her that she was going to do dishes and house cleaning. It took a couple days, but on the third day he came home to a clean house and dishes washed and put away.

The second man had married a woman from Illinois . He had given his wife orders that she was to do all the cleaning, dishes, and the cooking. The first day he didn’t see any results, but the next day he saw it was better. By the third day, he saw his house was clean, the dishes were done, and there was a huge dinner on the table.

The third man had married a girl from Mississippi . He told her that her duties were to keep the house cleaned, dishes washed, lawn mowed, laundry washed and hot meals on the table for every meal. He said the first day he didn’t see anything, and the second day he didn’t see anything, but by the third day some of the swelling had gone down and he could see a little out of his left eye, enough to fix himself a bite to eat and load the dishwasher.

Sunday Smile #18

Sunday Smile

Sunday Smile is a meme to share something about your week that brought a smile to your face (and will bring one to your readers). For me this is usually a forwarded message I got….the best one I received that week – the one that made me laugh out loud. So check out my Sunday Smile today and then go back to your blog and post something to make your reader’s smile – a forwarded like message, a story about something that happened to you, or even a photo of a funny moment….Then come back and sign Mr. Linky below so that we can all enjoy each other’s smiles as the week progresses and we get busy.

Good Ole’ Blue 

A young cowboy from Wyoming goes off to college, but half way through the semester, he has foolishly squandered all his money. He calls home.

“Dad,” he says, “You won’t believe what modern education is developing! They actually have a program here in Laramie that will teach our dog, Ol’ Blue, how to talk!”

“That’s amazing,” his Dad says. “How do I get Ol’ Blue in that program?”

“Just send him down here with $1,000,” the young cowboy says. “I’ll get him in the course.”

So, his father sends the dog and $1,000.

About two-thirds through the semester, the money again runs out. The boy calls home.

“So how’s Ol’ Blue doing son?” his father asks.

“Awesome, Dad. He’s talking up a storm,” he says, “but you just won’t believe this — they’ve had such good results they have started to teach the animals how to read!”

“Read!” says his father, “No kidding! How do we get Blue in that program?”

“Just send $2,500, I’ll get him in the class.”

The money promptly arrives. But our hero has a problem. At the end of the year, his father will find out the dog can neither talk nor read. So he shoots the dog.

When he arrives home at the end of the year, his father is all excited.

“Where’s Ol’ Blue? I just can’t wait to see him read something and talk!”

“Dad,” the boy says, “I have some grim news. Yesterday morning, just before we left to drive home, Ol’ Blue was in the living room, kicked back in the recliner, reading the Wall Street Journal, like he usually does. Then he turned to me and asked, ‘So, is your daddy still messing’ around with that little redhead who lives in town?’”

The father exclaimed, “I hope you shot that SOB before he talks to your Mother!”

“I sure did, Dad!”

“That’s my boy!”

Sunday Smile #17

Sunday Smile

Sunday Smile is a meme to share something about your week that brought a smile to your face (and will bring one to your readers). For me this is usually a forwarded message I got….the best one I received that week – the one that made me laugh out loud. So check out my Sunday Smile today and then go back to your blog and post something to make your reader’s smile – a forwarded like message, a story about something that happened to you, or even a photo of a funny moment….Then come back and sign Mr. Linky below so that we can all enjoy each other’s smiles as the week progresses and we get busy.

One Smart Teacher

This past fall semester, at Duke University, there were two sophomores who were taking Organic Chemistry and who did pretty well on all of the quizzes, midterms, labs, etc. Going into the final exam, they had solid “A’s.”

These two friends were so confident going into the final that the weekend before finals week (even though the Chem. final was on Monday), they decided to go up to University of Virginia to a party with some friends.

So they did this and had a great time. However, they ended up staying longer than they planned, and they didn’t make it back to Duke until early Monday morning. Rather than taking the final then, they found Professor Aldric after the final and explained to him why they missed it. They told him that they went up to Virginia for the weekend, and had planned to come back in time to study, but that they had a flat tire on the way back and didn’t have a spare and couldn’t get help for a long time. So they were late getting back to campus.

Aldric thought this over and agreed that they could make up the final on the following day. The two guys were elated and relieved. So, they studied that night and went in the next day at the time that Aldric had told them.

He placed them in separate rooms, handed each of them a test booklet and told them to begin. They looked at the first problem, which was something simple about free radical formation and was worth 5 points. “Cool” they thought, “this is going to be easy.” They did that problem and then turned the page.

They were unprepared, however, for what they saw on the next page.

It said: (95 points) “Which tire?”

The moral of the story, get your facts straight!