All About Kimberly

Sailing Along the Life of Single Parenthood

Sunday Smile #29 – Thinking Fast

Sunday Smile

Sunday Smile is a meme to share something about your week that brought a smile to your face (and will bring one to your readers). For me this is usually a forwarded message I got….the best one I received that week – the one that made me laugh out loud. So check out my Sunday Smile today and then go back to your blog and post something to make your reader’s smile – a forwarded like message, a story about something that happened to you, or even a photo of a funny moment….Then come back and sign Mr. Linky below so that we can all enjoy each other’s smiles as the week progresses and we get busy.

An Old Farmer

An elderly man in Georgia owned a large farm for several years. He had a large pond in the back and it was properly shaped for swimming. So he fixed it up with nice picnic tables, horseshoe courts, and some apple, and peach trees.

One evening the old farmer decided to go down to the pond, as he hadn’t been there for a while, and look it over. He grabbed a Five-gallon bucket to bring back some fruit. As he neared the pond, he heard voices shouting and laughing with Glee. As he came closer, he saw it was a bunch of young women Skinny-dipping in his pond. He made the women aware of his presence and they all went to the deep end.

One of the women shouted to him, ‘We’re not coming out until you leave!’

The old man frowned, ‘I didn’t come down here to watch you ladies swim naked or make you get out of the pond naked.’

Holding the bucket up he said, ‘I’m here to feed the alligator.’

Some old guys’ can still think fast.

Sunday Smile #28 – Proofreading

Sunday Smile

Sunday Smile is a meme to share something about your week that brought a smile to your face (and will bring one to your readers). For me this is usually a forwarded message I got….the best one I received that week – the one that made me laugh out loud. So check out my Sunday Smile today and then go back to your blog and post something to make your reader’s smile – a forwarded like message, a story about something that happened to you, or even a photo of a funny moment….Then come back and sign Mr. Linky below so that we can all enjoy each other’s smiles as the week progresses and we get busy.

Proof reading….A Dying Art

The following headlines are genuine headlines that apeared in newspapers.  Seems like someone employed by these papers should be proofreading more closely?  What do you think?

Man Kills Self Before Shooting Wife and Daughter
Wouldn’t that be just a little difficult?

Something Went Wrong in Jet Crash, Expert Says
No crap, really? Ya think?

Police Begin Campaign to Run Down Jaywalkers
Now that’s taking things a bit far! Don’t you think?

Miners Refuse to Work after Death
No-good-for-nothing’ lazy so-and-so’s!

Juvenile Court to Try Shooting Defendant
See if that works any better than a fair trial!

War Dims Hope for Peace
I can see where it might have that effect!

If Strike Isn’t Settled Quickly, It May Last Awhile
Ya think?!

Cold Wave Linked to Temperatures
Who would have thought!?!

Enfield (London) Couple Slain; Police Suspect Homicide
They may be on to something!

Red Tape Holds Up New Bridges
You mean there’s something stronger than duct tape?

Man Struck By Lightning: Faces Battery Charge
He probably IS the battery charge!

New Study of Obesity Looks for Larger Test Group
Weren’t they fat enough?!

Astronaut Takes Blame for Gas in Spacecraft
That’s what he gets for eating those beans!

Kids Make Nutritious Snacks
Do they taste like chicken?

Local  High School Dropouts Cut in Half
Chainsaw Massacre all over again!

Hospitals are Sued by 7 Foot Doctors
Boy, are they tall!

Typhoon Rips Through Cemetery; Hundreds Dead
Did I read that right?

Now that you’ve smiled at least once, it’s your turn to spread the stupidity and share this link with someone you want to bring a smile to (maybe even a chuckle). We all need a good laugh, at least once a day!

Contests I’ve Entered Today

Over $3,000 prizes at celebrating Royal Tutorials grand opening including pen tablet, WordPress themes, and tshirts.  Ends Sept 16 so enter ASAP!

Two days left to win a Flip HD at Level 26. (Twitter contest)

Win a Little Lala IPhone Application at The Dirty Shirt.  Very cute for the little ones in your life. ENDS TODAY!

Win a Gorton’s Seafood Prize Pack from  The Dirty Shirt.  Yum!  ENDS TODAY!

Win College Football Guys (a really neat toy for a football fan in your family – kid or adult!) at All Because Two People Fell In Love.  Ends September 15!  Only a few days left!!

Win 5 packages of Jello from She Scribes.   Also win a $25 gift certificate to Delicae Gourmet. Ends September 14.

Ultimate Diaper Dude Giveaway at The Dirty Shirt. Also win a Special Edition “Secrets of a Christmas Box” prize package. Ends Sept 14.

Win a $25 gift certificate to Sonic and a giftcard for a teacher from The Not So Blog’s Experimental Mommy.  Ends Sept 30.

Win a ValueRays® mouse hand warmer from Potamus Prefers. Ends Sept 21.

Win an Eviro set of stainless food container, bamboo bag, and a 20 ounce bottle from A Bookworm Mom’s Diary. Ends Sept 30.

Sunday Smile #27 – Age By Chocolate

Sunday Smile

Sunday Smile is a meme to share something about your week that brought a smile to your face (and will bring one to your readers). For me this is usually a forwarded message I got….the best one I received that week – the one that made me laugh out loud. So check out my Sunday Smile today and then go back to your blog and post something to make your reader’s smile – a forwarded like message, a story about something that happened to you, or even a photo of a funny moment….Then come back and sign Mr. Linky below so that we can all enjoy each other’s smiles as the week progresses and we get busy.

YOUR AGE BY CHOCOLATE MATH

This is pretty neat.

DON’T CHEAT BY SCROLLING DOWN FIRST! It takes less than a minute . Work this out as you read . Be sure you don’t read the bottom until you’ve worked it out! This is not one of those waste of time things, it’s fun.

1. First of all, pick the number of times a week that you would like to have chocolate (more than once but less than 10)

2. Multiply this number by 2 (just to be bold)

3. Add 5

4. Multiply it by 50 — I’ll wait while you get the calculator

5. If you have already had your birthday this year add 1759 ..If you haven’t, add 1758.

6.. Now subtract the four digit year that you were born.

You should have a three digit number

The first digit of this was your original number (i.e., how many times you want to have chocolate each week).

The next two numbers are YOUR AGE! (Oh YES, it is!!!!!)

THIS IS THE ONLY YEAR (2009) IT WILL EVER WORK, SO SPREAD IT AROUND WHILE IT LASTS.